


Saving the Marauders

by wolfstarism



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, Harry Potter Bashing, Homophobic James, Humor, JKR Bashing, Kreacher takes a bath, M/M, Ron Weasly is a little shit, Severus Snape Bashing, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29070852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfstarism/pseuds/wolfstarism
Summary: My take on the Cursed Child. (please take this as a joke - I'm sorry in advance)
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Saving the Marauders

Harry is supposed to be celebrating his thirtieth birthday, but he is miserable. He hasn’t seen his friends in ages. They started ignoring him as soon as he killed Voldemort - something about “getting over trauma” or some shit. Harry doesn’t care about that - he knows the only way to get over things is to just go back and fix them, and so he goes to find Hermione and Ron to ask them for help.

“You want to what?” Hermione asks. Harry rolls his eyes.

“Go back in time! To save everyone from their deaths!” he says.

“Harry - we can’t - that’s so dangerous!” Hermione says.

“Shut up Hermione,” says Ron.

“I know you can get me a time turner if you try hard enough, Hermione,” Harry tells her.

“Fine, but don’t you think we should go back and kill Voldemort when he was a baby, that would be more efficient, don’t you think?” she asks.

“Kill a baby?!” Ron gasps. “What’s wrong with you Hermione??” 

“There’s something deeply wrong with you, Hermione,” Harry says. “To think of something like that… my god.” 

The next weeks Hermione comes to them with a time turner. 

“Where do we go back to first?” she asks.

Harry thinks for a second.

“When my parents died,” Harry says.

And so Hermione starts turning it back. It takes a few hours for her to get it back to precisely 31st october 1981, but she does it, and they Apparate to Godric’s Hollow, but there is no house there.

“Fuck,” says Harry, “I forgot - we have to get permission from the secret keeper.”

“Who’s the secret keeper?” asks Ron.

“Peter Pettigrew - remember?”

“Oh shit,” says Ron, “where is he, so we can ask?”

“I don’t know,” says Harry.

They think for a moment.

“I have an idea,” says Harry.

“Yes?” asks Hermione.

“We could go back to when he was a baby, and kill him, so he can’t be secret keeper!”

“Harry, they’ll just get another secret keeper,” says Hermione. 

“Fuck,” says Harry, and they continue to think of a solution.

“Why don’t we go back even further?” says Ron, “to before they had a secret keeper?”

“Good idea!” says Harry, and Hermione starts spinning the time turner back to one year ago.

Harry goes up and knocks on their door.

“Hello?” says James. “Can I help you?”

“Yes,” says Harry. “You need to come with us right now, we’re saving your lives.”

“Who are you?”

“We’re from the future - I’m your son - Harry.”

James gasps and then grimaces.

“Please tell me you’re lying,” he says.

“No.”

“Oh god,” he shakes his head, “I’m sorry you turned out this way - if we knew we’d never have had you -“

“What do you mean?”

But James just shakes his head.

“Poor guy,” he says. “Hey Lily, come look at our future son.”

Lily comes to the door.

“Oh no!” she says, staring at Harry. “I’m so sorry! We would have never had have you if we knew -“

“Knew what?!”

“Oh, nothing... nothing,” she smiles.

Harry shrugs.

“You guys need to come with us right now - we’re saving your lives.” 

“Who says this isn’t a trick?” asks James. 

“I wouldn’t trick you,” says Harry, “I’m your son.”

“Prove it,” says James.

“Well,” Harry goes quiet, blushing a bit. “People say... people say we have the same hair. And that me and Lily have the same eyes.”

“As if!” James looks into Harry’s eyes. “Yours are mucky and grey - Lily’s are emerald green!” 

“Aww James,” Lily says, “stop it you’re embarrassing me.”

James smiles at her, then turns to Harry and his face hardens.

“I don’t know who told you that, but they were lying,” says James. “And we do NOT have the same hair.” 

James starts trying to flatten his hair, glaring at Harry.

“Who told you these things?” asks Lily.

“Sirius and Remus,” says Harry.

“Those fucking gays!!” James shouts. “What else did they tell you??”

“Urm,” Harry thinks for a second. “Well, to be honest, they didn’t say a lot - they died right after I met them.”

“They die?” James says. “Of course they do. Who lives longer?”

“Remus.”

“I knew it. Sirius is such a little shit he probably dies in a really embarrassing way.”

“He did, actually,” Harry had to agree with that. “His last words were ‘you can do better that’.”

Lily and James grimace. 

“That’s so embarrassing,” Lily says. “We have to save him from that.”

“Yes,” says Harry. “But first, we have to save you.”

“Okay, okay.” Says James.

“I’ll go get Harry,” says Lily.

“No,” Harry stops her. “Leave him.”

“What?” Lily asks. “He’s just a baby - what if Voldemort gets him?”

“He’ll be fine - trust me,” says Harry. “You might as well leave him in the middle of the street. He’s basically invincible.”

“Why?” asks Lily.

“Well,” Harry blushes again, and looks down. “I think it was because of your love - it saved my life.”

He looks up again and sees Lily and James trying to hold back laughter.

“Of course,” James tried hard not to grin. “That makes so much sense.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Lily says. “I totally believe you.”

They follow Harry back to Ron and Hermione.

“Who are these greasy little shits?” James asks.

“They’re my friends,” says Harry. 

“Oh god,” James put his face in his hands. “If I knew you’d have this future Harry... I’m so sorry.”

“Where are we going to now?” asks Hermione.

“Sirius’ death?” asks Harry.

“What about Cedric Diggory?” asks Ron. “He died the year before Sirius.”

Harry shrugs. 

“I don’t really care about him,” he says.

Ron frowns.

“Well I do!” he shouts. “He was so nice! And funny... and attractive... and...” 

“Oh shut up,” James turns to Harry, "what kind of company are you keeping?"

"RON!" Hermione whispered, "we've talked about this!"

“Can we just go get Sirius, and then see what we can do next?” Lily suggests.

“Ok, fine,” says Ron. “I like Sirius too. I liked his hair. And his muscles -“

“What did I just tell you?” James says, him and Hermione glare at Ron.

“Are we all ready?” says Hermione.

“Yep,” says Harry, and they go forward to June 1996, and they Apparate to 12 Grimmauld place.

They walk up the stairs, trying to find Sirius.

“Wait,” Lily says. “Why are we here, of all places?”

“Because Sirius and Remus stay here during my fifth year - it’s becomes the orders head quarters.” Harry says.

“They let them stay here alone together?” James asks.

“Yep,” says Harry.

“Goddamn gays can get away with anything,” James rolls his eyes.

The five of them decide to split up to find Remus and Sirius more easily. After a while, they hear Hermione scream from the top floor, and they run to find her.

“I found them,” she says, covering her eyes. “They’re in there,” and points to the door opposite. Harry walks in.

“Oh god!” he says. “Why are you guys half naked?”

Remus and Sirius scramble to put on clothes.

“Why’d ya think?” Sirius asks. “Thick little shit.”

“What are they doing in there?” Ron calls from the hallway.

“Don’t come in here,” says Harry. “They’re not fully dressed.”

“Really?!” Ron says, excitedly.

He immediately makes his way into the room. 

“Hi guys,” he says, blushing.

“Hi?” says Remus.

The four of them stand around, awkwardly.

“Harry,” Sirius says after a while. “You’ve grown a lot! My boys getting big! And why’ve you brought your slimey little friend?” 

“Actually,” says Harry. “I’m harry from the future - I’m here to save your life.”

“What?!” says Remus. “Sirius dies?”

“Yup,” says Harry. “It’s very traumatic for me, actually. And you, I guess - but you don’t really show it.”

“Remus you fucking cunt,” Sirius shoves him. “Why aren’t you sad when I die?”

“Because I was written by a homophobic author who hates my character and doesn’t care about me!” Remus snaps, and then turns to Harry. “So, you’re taking us with you?”

“Well, just Sirius, actually,” says Harry. “You die a bit later - after you have your son -“

“I have a fucking SON?!?” Remus says.

“...yeah...” says Harry. “With Tonks-“

“But I’m gay!!” says Remus. “Why would I...”

Sirius glares at Remus and shakes his head.

“I can’t believe you’d cheat on me. With a woman, as well?” 

“I haven’t done it yet, Sirius!” Remus says. “And anyway, you can’t expect me to remain abstinent for the rest of my life after you die. I must get very lonely -“

“Actually,” says Harry, “You die only two years later.”

“Fucking hell,” says Remus. “How do I die?”

“In the battle of Hogwarts,” Harry blushes a bit and smiles to himself. “You die for me, actually...”

“Oh Jesus christ,” says Remus.

“- so does Tonks,” says Harry.

“You’re telling me, we both die for you and leave our son?” he says, and then shakes his head at Harry. “Selfish little bitch, you are.”

“What about me?” Sirius jumps on the spot. “How do I die?”

“Well you-“ Ron starts.

“SHUT UP RON!” Harry says. “I was there! I get to tell the story-“

“But I really want to-“

“No!” Harry turns to Sirius and says quickly. “You die trying to save my life-“

“So you’re telling me,” Sirius shouts. “We all die trying to save you’re sad little life?”

Harry shrugs.

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“But we’re here to save you!” Ron says quickly. 

Remus and Sirius shrug and follow them back downstairs. They find Hermione, Lily and James giving Kreacher a bath. 

“Lily?!” Remus says. “James?!”

“Oh! Hi!” Lily says, and she turns to Remus and Sirius then grimaces.

“Oh god, you guys didn’t age well, did you?” James says.

“Well...” Sirius says, “Azkaban wasn’t very nice on me-“

“You went to Azkaban?!?” Lily asks.

“Oh - yeah - for your murder -“

“So you’re the one who murders us!!” James shouts. “How could you?!” He chases Sirius.

“James- no!” Remus stops him. “He’s falsely accused. Peter actually causes your death.”

“Oh, right,” says James, settling down again. “Why doesn’t he go to Azkaban then?”

“It’s a long story,” says Sirius. “Actually - speaking of that - Harry, could you go back in time and get me just before I go to Azkaban?”

“We don’t have time for that,” says Harry.

“You literally have a time turner,” says Remus. 

“Shit,” says Harry. “Look - let’s just go save your life, and then we can talk about stuff like that, okay?” 

“Shall we go there now, then-“ Ron starts.

“Shut up!” says James. “I don’t want you near my son anymore. Let’s go save Remus now.”

They all nod in agreement. Sirius turns to Remus.

“Have fun cheating on me, you cheater,” he says.

“It’s not my choice!” Remus shrugs. “Have you seen the woman who controls my actions?”

“True,” says Sirius, and he turns to the others, and Remus takes over the bath.

“So where to now?” Hermione asks. “May 1998?”

“Well...” Harry goes quiet. “I was just thinking.. maybe we could go forward to June 1997 - that’s when Dumbledore -“

“Oh god,” James rolls his eyes and then turns to Sirius and Remus. “I blame you guys for making my son gay.”

Sirius shrugs.

“Dumbledore‘s an alright looking man -“

James glares at him to shut him up.

“How does Dumbledore die, anyway?” Lily asks.

“Oh,” says Harry. “He dies in one year - he’s murdered by Snape-“

“SNAPE?” James, Lily, Sirius and Remus say.

“Yeah - but - he’d actually good -“

“What do you mean, actually good?” James narrows his eyes. “You’re on thin ice you little fucker-“

“Listen,” says Harry. “Yes, I know - I know he was racist, and I know he called mum a slur - and I know he was a massive cunt to you guys at school - and I know he never stopped holding his grudge against Sirius and Remus - and I know he outed Remus to the whole school and got him fired - and I know all the shit he said about James and Sirius after they die - but. But. He wanted to fuck Lily really badly.”

Everyone goes silent.

“Scuse me?” asks Lily.

Harry clears his throat.

“Well.. during the first war, technically he’s the one who tells Voldemort of the prophecy. And then he tells him to not kill you but kill me and dad-“

“He WHAT?” says Lily.

“Yeah, yeah - but then, like, after you die he joins the good side because he’s mad that you died, right?” Harry says. “And then he protects me my whole life... apart from the fact that he basically bullies and traumatises me... for like my whole time at Hogwarts...“

Remus comes from the bath, his hands soapy.

“Harry, he’s not ‘good now’ just because he’s not racist,” he says.

Everyone else in the room nods. Harry goes red. 

“Yeah, come to think of it Harry,” Hermione says, “It is a bit weird that you named your son after him-“

“You WHAT?” James says. “You little shit-“

“I name one of them after you!” Harry says quickly.

“What about me?” says Lily.

“One of them is named after you as well!”

“What about me?” says Sirius.

“And you!”

“What about me?” says Remus. 

Harry’s eyes widen.

“Urm... I was going too..”

Sirius glares at Harry.

“So you’re kids are named Severus, James, Sirius and Lily?”

“Err - no... one is named James Sirius Potter -“

“I’m a second name?!” Sirius shouts. “All that’s left of me is a second name?!”

“I don’t even have a name!” Remus says.

“What are the other ones called, Harry?” Lily asks.

“Albus Severus Potter and Lily Luna Potter -“

James takes a very deep breath.

“I can’t believe,” he says, very quietly, “that my only grandchildren, are named after Snape and Dumbledore and not Remus?” He points at Harry. “Whoever you were raised by really failed you.”

Harry nods.

“Yeah! They fucking did!” he says.

Lily frowns a bit.

“If we die, and Sirius goes to Azkaban - then that means that you were raised by...” Lily and James both look at Remus slowly.

“What’s wrong with you?” James says. “You raised him so wrong, he didn’t even name one of his kids after you? You disgust me-“

“Hey!” Remus says. “I didn’t raise him!”

“Why?” asks Lily.

“I don’t know. Ask the stupid women to wrote this stupid shit.” says Remus.

“She really gives you a hard time out of all us, hu?” Sirius says.

“Yeah! She hates me or something. Now I gotta go marry a goddamn woman. I would’ve loved to raise Harry.” He glares at Harry. “Not anymore, though. Why you not naming your kids after me?!”

Harry goes even redder.

“I was your best teacher!” says Remus. 

“But you are a werewolf,” Ron says. “You could’ve killed us-“

Sirius grabs Ron by the throat, but let’s go quickly when Ron looks like he’s enjoying it.

"RON! Get over here, right now!" Hermione shouts, "I've had enough of this."

Ron, head bowed, walks slowly to stand behind Hermione. "sorry..." He murmurs.

“I will bite you, Ron,” says Remus, and Ron goes quiet.

“I’m sorry!” says Harry. “It’s just... you go a bit weird after Sirius dies. It’s almost as if you’re a character written by an author, and that author starts to stop caring about you as soon as she gets into the sixth book of her series... it was as if she really didn’t care about my relationship with you...?”

“So, I go weirder than a racist?” Remus says.

“Yeah!” Sirius nods, glaring at Harry. “Remus may go weird, but he dies for you!”

“Yeah!” says Lily.

“Yeah!” says James.

“Yeah!” says Ron.

“Yeah!” says Hermione.

Harry grabs the time turner.

“Fine,” he says. And he goes, leaving them.

When he gets back, they’re all waiting for him.

“Where did you go?” asks Sirius.

“I went forward to when my second child was born,” he says. “My kid is called Remus now.”

“Thank you,” Remus shakes his head. “Took you long enough.” 

“He’s called Remus Ron Potter,” says Harry.

“Awww!!!” Ron says, and he hugs Harry. “Thats so sweet!”

James grabs him from behind and pulls him back.

“What - did - I - tell - you?!” he glares at Ron.

“What about me?” asks Hermione to Harry. “Can’t one of your kids be -“

“Shut up Hermione,” Harry says. “Now we can go forward to Remus’ death.”

“Bye, cheater,” Sirius says to Remus. 

Hermione takes them forward to May 1998.

“How are we gunna get to Hogwarts?” Lily asks. 

“Apparate,” says Ron.

“No you stupid fucking idiot,” James pushes him. “You can’t do that to Hogwarts.”

“I have an idea!” says Sirius. “Follow me!”

He Apparates to the shrieking shack, and they follow him.

“All we need to do is walk down this tunnel to the whomping willow, and then we’re in Hogwarts!” he says.

They walk down the tunnel, but when they get to the other end, they see the battle.

“Jesus fucking christ,” says James. “What did you do, Harry?”

“What do you mean, ‘what did I do’?” says Harry. 

“This is all clearly your fault,” he says, shaking his head.

“How do we get to Remus?” asks Lily.

“Remus?” Sirius calls from the tree. “Remus?!”

“You think he can hear you?” asks Ron.

“Shut up Ron!” Sirius says. 

They wait for a moment, thinking about what to do.

“Actually,” Ron says, “while we’re here, I was wondering if we could go in and save my brother Fred as well? It’s just, I really miss him-“

“What did I just say?” Sirius glares at him.

“I think,” says Hermione, “we just have to go into the thick of things and find Remus.” 

She takes out her wand.

“Oh,” says Ron. “I - I forgot my wand.”

“Yeah, me too,” says James.

“I did too,” says Sirius. “I didn’t realise ‘battle of Hogwarts’ meant an actual battle - I thought you were being dramatic, like you always are, Harry.”

“Ok, fine.” says Harry. “Me, Lily and Hermione will go.”

And the three of them venture out into the battle. A couple of people point and say “that looks like thirty year old harry potter!” and some of them say “is that lily potter, harry potters dead mum?” but none of them investigate any further, and Harry, Lily and Hermione make it to Remus relatively undisturbed.

“Fucking finally!” Remus says. “I’ve been waiting for you for two years! I had to fuck a woman for gods sake! And then there was that weird storyline with the baby -“

“Yeah yeah I know,” says Harry. “I was there. Now, let’s go!”

They make their way back to the whomping willow, and back through the tunnel to the shrieking shack, but when they get there they see that there are two people already there.

“Ow!” Harry holds his hand to his head. “My scar! It really hurts -“

“Would you,” James says, “for one goddamn minute, shut up? I’m trying to listen.”

They stay quiet and listen to the conversation.

“It’s Snape and Voldemort!” gasps Lily. 

“What are they on about?” says Remus.

“I think...” Hermione leans in closer, “I think Voldemort’s saying he’s gunna kill Snape!”

They all hold back laughter as Snape and Voldemort’s conversation continues, and when Voldemort leaves, they all walk out in front of Snape. They all laugh in his face as he dies.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @wolfstarism


End file.
